Foreword

Today is September the 2^nd and it is the day that Dads corsage travels to Dublin which is where the nearest crematorium is located from his home in Adare, County Limerick in Ireland.

I loved, cherished and admired my father. He fell into a coma two days before he died at 11:45 on the 31^st august 2006.

My dads name was Hugh Brady, he had no given middle name, he had taken Vincent as a confirmation name as a child but not too many people knew about that.

I was privileged to spend the last eleven days of his life at his side and this is an attempt to capture some of the wonderful things that happened during these days.

I will perhaps be self indulgent and sentimental; but so be it. I will be drawing on a few of the A-team to help to fill in the gaps. The last eleven days have been a trying, tiring, tender and at times tortuous journey. I cannot imagine that it will not affect my life going forward as much as his presence did for the previous 46 years of my life.

Just quickly before getting in to the chronological stuff I want to say that Dad was no saint, he was a rogue and at times could cut you down with words and the power of his will. However, the steel that gave him the ability to survive and succeed in a world into which he was thrown at a tender age with little preparation, could not hide the most fundamental essence of his nature; his sweetness. In the early years of his life he was impatient and impetuous, demanding and short fused. I have found it quite ironic in his later years how many times he has admonished me for demonstrating the very nature, which he instilled into me while a formative worshipper of his power. He was and will always be my hero, but he would never allow me to see him in anything but a realistic light, he did not want the burden of sainthood, he was a sinner not a saint. With this clear it can easily be said that on balance he spread a great deal more pleasure than pain to many people in many places and at many times. His mark on the world can without doubt be said to be in credit, he would be quick to add the caveat; “I’m just a humble seeker of truth” lest he become big headed.

Day 1 – Monday 21^st August 2006

Arrived at Farranfore Airport, Kerry, and was met by Norrie and taken first to the Sweeney’s house in Tralee. Here we had a bang up Full Irish before striking out for Adare soon after. We all arrived in Adare around midday, this was Molly, Josh,  Lou,  Norrie and myself. Dad was delighted to see us and was all tuckered up in his normal way wearing hid black zip-up sweater he had bought in Portugal.

Dad wanted the field cut and was expecting the local garage guy, he arrived and installed the brand new battery into the tractor, Dad and Elaine (OD) and I were all outside while we spoke to the guy. Dad also made the first of several calls to Willie the plumber who promised to visit that very evening.

While the rest of my family were still there Michael arrived from Cavan. This was an unexpected surprise and pleasure for me and everyone as it turned out. Michael is a dear old friend of mine and an uncle who I always enjoy spending time with. Since Michael was now here Dad was happy for him to get me set up to go on the field project. Before we were allowed to go out to play, Elaine asked me to carry down from the bedroom Dads Oxygen machine. Once I had done this Dad sat in the conservatory and watched as Michael got me started with the field. Michael had a visit with Dad while I worked away on the field. While I worked Lou, Norrie, Josh and Molly came out and bid me farewell as they were returning to Tralee.

We sat up and talked over a dinner of marinated fillet steak, after that Michael Dad and I sat and chatted Dad said “it is so great to have two of my very favourite people here with me tonight” presently we helped Dad up for a fairly early night. I carried the Oxygen machine back up to the bedroom and helped Elaine get him into bed. I spoke to him briefly before I went off to get a good nights sleep after the very early start.

Day 2 – Tuesday 22^nd August 2006

Cannot remember much about the morning, but Michael and I got busy with the John Deere mower and cut all the grass around the back and front of the house, Dad was observing from the conservatory. Following this I made the second run at the field. Yesterdays cut was a rough topping so today we went into much lower gear and higher revs and ran across yesterday’s cuts. The progress was painfully slow and eventually with about a fifth of the field to go Michael called me in and offered to take me to lunch. We went to the Heritage Centre and had a very average meal, Michael paid because they would not take my card. We spoke mostly about Dad and every time I started to choke Michael gently led the conversation in another direction.

After lunch we waited for Sheila and Lou they didn’t arrive until about 18:00. Elaine (OD) cooked sausages and bacon, they had a short visit with Michael and then he set off back to Cavan. I suggested to Dad that I return with Sheila and Lou and return to next day, Dad nixed this and in no uncertain terms dictated that I was to remain. It was this day that I suggested two really bad jokes to Elaine (OD) the first was to put the electric socket towards Dads nose as if by accident to hook the Oxygen machine up backwards. The second was to tell Dad that Willie had called while he was asleep. Elaine was able to resist the first joke but not the second. Dad was needless to say, not amused.

So off went Lou alone again, back to Tralee without me.

Day 3 – Wednesday 23^rd August 2006

Was this the day that Ann and Eemer came to visit? My memory is very hazy.Wasn’t it the day that Dad abused Willie with telephone messages?

Day 4 – Thursday 24^th August 2006

I think that it was today that OD and I attended Dads ritual morning shower routine. Including him yipping at OD because she did the teeth out of correct order with the cream?

I think that Elaine came up today with Mum and Sheila. Mum and Sheila went home leaving Mums car so that the next day Elaine and I could drive back to Tralee for our last night in Kerry.

This evening James the pharmacist (The bollix making money out of Hugh’s misfortune”) visited and Elaine (neighbour) the dinner table talk was entertaining

We put Dad to bed as normal as far as I can remember and Lou Elaine and I had a few beers outside the back of the house and enjoyed some social chit chat.

Day 5 – Friday 25^th August 2006

We woke somewhat heavy hearted as it was the day to leave Dad, I cannot remember much about the morning.

We wanted to leave around midday but delayed departure until Florentine arrived which was around 16:00. When we left I was very sad and we had to have a pit stop for me to clear my head, I didn’t get to the end of Clonshire road if the truth were to be told. As I have understood since Dad was suffering too. Florentine said that Dad went to the couch in the sitting room, Elaine (OD) raced into Adare for some provisions and Florentine caught forty winks. On her return Elaine gave both a 30-minute warning that dinner would be ready, when the time came Dad was at the table but had no appetite, Florentine said that Dad took my departure very hard. He went early to bed having turned his back on his favourite ribs! He was complaining of being extremely cold. The oxygen canister was taken up to the bedroom and then details get hazy. Dad vomited or was very distressed and Pat Morrisey was called. The GP Pat saw him and calmed him and left without any concerns. Elaine returned to Florentine and heard a noise Dad had vomited and she called Pat again, he had apparently reached his home but had not yet entered, he returned. The time now must have been around midnight and in the 40 minutes leading up to 01:00 Pat administered 2.5ml morphine followed by another 2.5ml morphine followed by a 5ml morphine injection. Dad was exhibiting extreme stress anxiety and breathing difficulties. By 01:30 Dad was in a coma and the telephone rang at Sheila’s house in Tralee. Sheila and I headed north at once hitting the road at 01:40 approximately. We arrived at Dads bedside at around 03:00 and saw what we believed to be a dying man. The hours went by and his coma didn’t abate until around 06:00 in the morning when he seemed to be coming somewhat out of the coma small signs such as twitching eyebrows were the only sign.

Day 6 – Saturday 26^th August 2006

By 08:00 of Saturday morning he was starting to emerge from the coma his words which were slurred (to say the least) were like miracles. His first words were “I am deliriously happy, thank you for taking such good care of me” This was exactly what Elaine need to hear as she had held some guilt over the previous nights problems having been distracted by Florentine or the computer. Another case of Dad saying just the right thing at the right time. He was really high for most of the day and had a constant stream of visitors that must have exhausted him.

His first visit from the palliative nurse Esther was today and she put him on a pump that was set to 5ml morphine over 24 hours and a dose of anti-Emetic (Which proved to be rather irritating to his skin and to the site where the butterfly was positioned.

We were told to instigate a rote system to sit with Dad through the night as he should not be left alone. This was the first of 5 nights vigils which a team of people contributed. First was Brenda, then Elaine, Then Sheila then me. I think.

From this day on we were truly in the hands of the palliative team.

Day 7 – Sunday 27^th August 2006

This day was more visitors I think but I cannot in truth remember.

On the night rota First was Brenda then Elaine then Sheila then Me I was 04:00 to 06:00 I think?

In the early hours of the morning I was moved to write the following which was just a way of remembering the amazing little things that Dad was doing in these days which were making the being there so special:

Here I sit the room unlit
My fathers breathing to bait me
I remember times and remember things
Too precious to let escape me
So he’s fragile now but remember how
His will to bend was a deed
Four horses strong and a madman’s song
Had no chance to succeed
How his charming smile still warms the room
When his eyes alight on his treasured
How we’d bottle that if we only could
And keep it with us forever
Still his roguish wit with a twinkling eye
Will once and a while appear
Still rapier sharp with a hint of macabre
But you laugh despite how hard you try
But most of all sweetness compassion and love
As he sleeps in a comfortable place
When he calls all around and he says that he’s found
Such contentment and peace
When he sleeps I am sure that he goes to a place
Where he’s strong as he used to be
Where is it I wonder, what is it like
And when will he take me

Day 8 – Monday 28^th August 2006

Corky arrived around 10:00; Hugh around 12:00, we were thinking that Dad would not hold on long enough to see them but he certainly did.

Was this the night that Tess and Owen were there to witness an impromptu concert featuring Aiden doing some Ella Fitzgerald numbers and some old blue eyes numbers?

Day 9 – Tuesday 29^th August 2006

Tuesday morning he was moved to the chair I think and here he was washed from tip to toe and shaved by Michael. I think it could have been Tuesday that Aiden left?

I think it was later in this day that Dad looked around and said “Oh weren’t we lucky that we all met” and also said that he wanted no more visitors except for his special visitors.

This the night that Norrie did the first shift and she and Elaine had a ball of a time together? I remember running up the stairs at around 01:00 to help with an attempted pee, but nothing was forthcoming but you two girls were not showing the proper decorum. My shift was then 04:00 to 06:00 again I think handing over to Sheila I think this was the first night Brenda did not do the shift because she had to do airport runs the next morning. The airport runs were for Mary-Elaine and Joe Hill I think but this could all be one day off.

Day 10 – Wednesday 30^th August 2006

Following a really difficult night Dad had three episodes of the seizure type behaviour after which at around 10:30 we put dad up and into Elaine’s arms where he stayed all day. We moved him around 16:00 to the other side of the bed where we took some pictures and it was then that he uttered “Elaine Elaine”

Midnight Pat arrives and says that dad is in a coma.

Day 11 – Thursday 31^st August 2006

O4:00 to 06:00 was my shift, and dad was totally comatose throughout my time. Elaine (OD) joined me for most of my shift and we witnessed strained breathing spells followed by silent breathing spells interspersed by groans and moans, and all the time the vein on his neck was pumping at a heck of a rate. It was distressful watching this and we were becoming almost desperate to see his end come so that this despairing and futile struggle could cease.

I stayed on through Sheila’s shift and around 08:00 I thought the pump had run out. I was getting nervous that his coma might reverse and he would wake up in the middle of dying, I instigated a call in to Ann the palliative nurse, she arrived at around 10:20 and she was amazed that he had so strong a cough. I was led to believe that a coma prohibits the cough reflex so I was only getting increasingly nervous. I was trying to get Ann or somebody to put something into the cocktail that would end the struggle but I was reminded that Euthanasia is not legal in Ireland. Note to self: make sure I have some clause that will enable me to be snuffed out once the flame has gone.

At 11:45 Elaine was looking right into Dads face when she thought that something was changing. I was on the computer Hugh was not there, Michael was having a shower. I ran up the stairs and saw the colour flood so quickly out of his face and he was gone.

Elaine had seen a flicker of the eyes, a brief opening, and inhalation and nothing more he was gone.

I looked down on him and had hated what I saw I was angry and said it was not my Dad but some ugly artefact. Elaine said “No he’s beautiful”

The body was taken around 13:00 to be returned at 18:30 to the house to be waked.

After that I bolted, as I said I would, first to Adare for another Latte, then to Tralee for a change of scenery and to have a night with my family, I was strangely robust, nothing could make me cry. When I got to Tralee they had a picture of Dad on the screen of their computer and I burst into tears. We had a dinner I think it was Indian I ate hardly anything. When I put Molly to bed at 21:00 I fell asleep in her arms. I woke around 22:00 and fell into bed with my Elaine, I had to telephone Corky, then Mum, then I fell apart in Lou’s arms for what seemed like an eternity. After which we went downstairs for some beers and more talk of Dad with Emma. Sheila and Mike had returned for the evening wake in Adare.

At 23:00 I went to bed and slept.

Day 12 – Friday 1^st September 2006

Today was the day of the wake and the service. I arrived at Adare at 14:00 Elaine (OD) was still in amazing shape and seemed very strong, of course I wept when I saw Dad (or his body) in the coffin and I felt the amazing weight of what had happed descend upon my broken body once more I though for  a while that I would finally “duck out”. However the team and the teamwork and the camaraderie brought me back to that strong place and enabled me to partake, participate and even enjoy the evenings entertainment.

Day 13 – Saturday 2^nd September 2006

I drove Michael to the airport to catch his return flight to USA, I went with Molly and Lou and Josh were at the house to see Dad on his way to Dublin, Josh watched as they put the lid on the coffin, they both said it was very sad but very calm and peaceful as the procession left the driveway.

When I got back I felt a tangible absence, the house was full of my little family and yet it felt so empty, I fear it always will.